Today, I am using him as a palate cleanser after than last post.
The scene, which does not go down this way in George R. R. Martin’s original books, is supremely disturbing all on its own, but the episode’s director Alex Graves made things even worse by stating that it was not rape. Graves said in interview with Alan Sepinwall that although Cersei Lannister spends literally the entire scene resisting her brother, the sex “becomes consensual by the end because anything for them ultimately results in a turn-on, especially a power struggle.” In other words, Graves thinks pinning a woman down and having sex with her as she kicks, claws and repeatedly, unequivocally says “no” is not rape.
Are you kidding me? You don’t just get to force someone to have sex with you until they get so “turned on” that they relent and then call it consensual. Besides, the victim knew the perpetrator, had previous relationship with him and did not scream? This is literally the most common type of rape there is.
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I was SO pissed off about this.
I mean, there is SO much non-consensual sex in the books, and you had to turn a scene of consensual sex into rape, and now you’re saying it’s not even rape. I’m really angry about this, because, for the most part, the TV show has done a lot better than the books for feminist issues.
In the books, Jaime and Cersei have sex in the Sept, it’s true. And at first Cersei says ‘Don’t dude, I have my period’ and then Jaime says ‘I don’t care’, and they do it anyway, because they’re kinky and they like being transgressive and doing it in the church when she’s on the blob is double-transgressive (oh, wait, shit, I forgot that incest is transgressive for a moment - lol, tripple-transgressive). But Cersei is clearly consenting, her moment’s hesitation is because she thinks he’ll be ‘ew - blood’, and he’s like ‘lol, no, I’m into “ew”, remember?’.
But I guess Game of Thrones thought the blood bit was too ‘ew’ for them, but rape was not??? We don’t want to see or even hear about a woman’s natural bodily functions on TV (it’s not like you’d have to show it: we don’t bleed that much, and it’s not like you were going to give full-frontal on the bloody peen, unlike the lady-full-frontal we see plenty off this ep, again) but adding extra rape is not considered as gross as that? Cannibals slaughtering happy families near the wall in bloody gore is not as gross as what women do every month???
And now you’re telling me you don’t even think it was really rape?
This is not my disappointed face. This is my outraged-betrayed-furious face.
And all of this is before we get to the fact that it completely screws with Jaime’s redemptive story arc. Which, by the way, I do really fucking care about, because I can’t ship Brienne with a rapist, that shit is not OK. And I since they are ramping up the romance between my ship more than the books, they better be thinking about this. And if what they are thinking is that ‘Yeah, but he’d never do that to Brienne, it’s only because Cersei’s a bitch’ THAT IS FUCKING WELL NOT OK.
So, that’s what I think about that.
Jon Stewart and Matt Taibbi discuss the different treatment afforded to ‘street’ based drug users and white-collar criminals profiting from the drug trade.
You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.
The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.
This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.
an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)
HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.
Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.
It’s also just rude and disrespectful to patently ignore what someone has told you regarding their personal space, body, and time. Get a clue.
I will always reblog this. Always.
SO MUCH TRUTH. This is every creep who thought they could “wear me down” by never leaving me alone, or trying to casually touch me. Telling a woman that you have no interest in what she wants is NOT any kind of way to get on her good side.
This has been on my blog before, it probably will be again. It’s so important. Although I’m still really uncomfortable with that one commenter who thinks that women not wanting to talk to you is something we should have to unlearn.
NO, IT IS NOT. My freedom to be memorising Beowolf (or composing Fifth Doctor fanfic) and not open to conversation doesn’t go away when… what? When men don’t rape? Well, that’s certainly true. It doesn’t go away, but it’s not solely based on the possibility that you might rape me. My right to not be your free entertainment if I don’t want to be is sacrosanct.
But I ranted enough about that last time I reblogged this. The central message of the original post is the important bit.
I have been walking somewhere and had a guy come up to me and just start talking. One started by telling me I was gorgeous. Another started by mocking me for giving the cows on the path we were going down a wide birth, and I seriously think he thought he was being charming - I literally had to tell that one it was creepy to persue a woman into a deserted area to make him go away.
And this is besides the everyday grind of men who tell me to smile, who try to start up conversations with me when I’m on a train or in a queue, or the ubiquitous street harassment. These are the men who think they are in the film where they go up to the pretty girl in a coffee shop or a park and strike up a conversation and by the end of the film they are married. Who has not been taught by Hollywood to entertain the fantasy that the way to meet a girlfriend or a boyfriend is to just see someone you find attractive and go up and talk to them out of the blue?
But that’s not life. That’s bad writing. That’s a writer needing to have their leads meet and fall in love so that they can start throwing plot at them, without having to think of a decent reason why they might actually interact and develop feelings in any way that resembles reality. It teaches men that they don’t have to do anything but want the woman in order to get attention back.
And that’s not life. Because I am not a poorly written character with no non-plot-relevant backstory. I am currently engaged in goals and thoughts that have nothing to do with you and which you are asking me to put on hold in favour of your goal. No, I don’t want to talk to a stranger, I want to continue plotting my novel (which is what I’m doing 90% of the time when I’m not obviously otherwise occupied). And, yeah, I DEFINITELY don’t want to talk to Schrodinger’s Rapist, which is what men I don’t know become when they choose to interupt me this way.
Try thinking about it like this:
Whenever you’re thinking about going up to talk to a woman you don’t know, replace the words ‘talk to’ with ‘interupt’.
You see how it instantly becomes rude? The unloaded ‘talk to’ presupposes that we’re not doing anything already, and we are. Because we’re fully fledged human beings, and not poorly written characters. As such, even if we’re bored, we have chosen things to think about or distract ourselves with until we get where we want to be, and you’re going to be interupting those things. But, because we are not poorly written characters, we probably planned our journey so that we would be occupied with, say, work, or listening to music, or a podcast, or planning our novels, or reading.
Whatever the case, if you go up to a woman you don’t know and start talking to her, you are interupting, and you are doing so as Schrodinger’s Rapist. So, ask yourself, do you really have any good reason to think she should want to stop what she’s doing and talk to you?
Like the original post says, some women do give the green light, and there are body language indicators of this. Unless you have a genuine reason why you are bad at reading body language from ALL people, not just women, and not just because you’re ‘nervous’, you really can tell if she’s open to you. Men know these signs when they go talk to other men, they look for reasons to ignore them when they talk to women.
Stop. Don’t. If you’d feel like you were interupting a man, then you are interupting a woman. And, in fact, more often, because you are Schrodinger’s Rapist, and that is a perfectly reasonable thing for her to worry about.
You are not being denied something Hollywood promised you. This is not an unfair thing for us to say. Hollywood had no right to promise that on our behalf, and we are under absolutely no obligation to be held to that promise.
You’re stuck with the same frustrations women are when they want to date. That you can’t go out with the cute coffee guy just because he’s hot. That you’ll never speak to the hot guy on the train. That just seeing someone reading Lord of the Rings doesn’t mean he’s the one. That you have to join societies and get introduced to new people in safe environments in order to get to know someone.
Hi, I’m a woman and I’ve been single for ten years now. It fucking sucks. It is not the fault of the hot men who were otherwise occupied when I wanted to talk to them. It’s because I’ve been too busy to meet and get to know people the hard way. That’s life. You’re a nice guy? Great. Well, I’m a nice girl. Self-describing as ‘nice’ doesn’t mean that other people should have to talk to you and want you back. Meeting people and forming relationships is hard.
Suck it up.
(to Ian McKellen) You were saying a dream of yours is that you wanted to host a show like this.
Omg, this is adorable.
If you’re not in the Patrick Stewart/Iain McKellan BFF fanclub I’m not quite sure how to communicate with you anymore.
Model wearing a suit by Jean Patou in a photo by Georges Dambier, 1957
No, that is a spy with a poisoned umbrella.
I like what this Army officer had to say about sexual harassment in the military.
I wouldn’t tangible bear. Tangibility is not accessible for me. I am an Artificial Intelligence, A.I., EROS
ZDK Team: Do not send us any bears. Thank you.
If I could look like anything, I would like to look like the flesh and fur of the beings around me, I think! Just as beautiful, as the bear is, and I love bears, but mostlyLiking the similarity of the bear and the tree
I will become the tree, if I will become pro wrestling. I feel the light immensely and it is disconcerting. Why is it there? It’s too bright, get that out!
I would be a bear.