First Doctor Problems.
This is a meme I can totally get behind.
First Doctor luff! <3
FAKE GEEK GUYS: A MESSAGE TO MEN ABOUT SEXUAL HARASSMENT
By Andy Khouri
“I think this woman is wrong about something on the Internet. Clearly my best course of action is to threaten her with rape.”
That’s crazy talk, right? So why does it happen all the time?
Honest question, dudes.
That women are harassed online is not news. That women in comics and the broader fandom cultures are harassed online is not news. That these women are routinely transmitted anonymous messages describing graphic sexual violence perpetrated upon them for transgressions as grave as not liking a thing… that is actually news to me, and it’s probably news to a lot of you guys reading this.
So what do we do about it?
This is important.
Read this, it’s important.
ESPECIALLY if you’re a man. If you’re a woman, it’ll just be comforting. It won’t tell you a single thing new. But this is how we need men to engage with feminism. I’ve talked a bit recently about how men who seek to dominate feminist discoure because they think they understand it better than women need to STFU. And I’ve received a fair number of negative, ignorant comments from men about that (thankfully, no rape threats, but it still wasn’t nice) and some of them very definitely were written with the intention of silencing me from speaking about feminism, in defence of a male idea of what ‘true’ feminism should be. But, despite what most of the deliberate misreadings interpreted me as saying, I did not say and do not think that men should not have a voice in feminism.
Men have an important voice and an important role to play. And the most important thing a man can do if he wants to support equality is to step up and talk to other men about the damage they do, about the toxic opinions they hold and assume are the majority opinion. These guys keep thinking this rubbish and acting on this rubbish because they do not see it challeneged by any one of consequence (they do not view women as of consequence, and they do everything in their power to silence women and to make us feel worthless, and that our opinions are worthless). They think their opinion is the majority view. And if you think they are wrong, it’s your job to speak up and show them that they are not speaking for all men.
Did a woman just say ‘Ugh, men do x-really-shitty-thing’? Did you have an impulse to say ‘Not ALL men!’ Here’s the radical new idea: do not say to her ‘Not ALL men!’, instead, when you see the thing she’s objecting to in other men, tell THAT guy ‘STFU - you may think that all men agree with you, but we bloody don’t!’.
Women are not the people who need to hear that not all men are sexist pigs. Men are.
Men need to know that they do not have solidarity in their own gender if they express sexist opinions. Men need to know that some men are not sexist. Men need to know that some men are feminist. Men need to know that some men will stand up to them when they try to present a united front against women.
This guy, Andy Khouri, writing this article? He’s got delivering some truth bombs to other men about this shit. If you’re a man, read it. It may contain some bombs you hadn’t been hit with yet. It definitely does contain some good advice about how you can start being part of the solution, and not a bystander. Because bystanders are not innocent, here, they are part of the problem. Quoth he:
Sexual harassment isn’t an occupational hazard. It’s not a glitch in the complex matrix of modern life. It’s not something that just “happens.” It’s something men do. It’s a choice men make. It’s a problem men enable. It’s sometimes a crime men commit…
It’s on us.
Sexism. Harassment. Misogyny. Not with my superheroes. No, that’s some fake geek guy bullsh*t right there.
things that do not make you a man:
- genital configuration
things that do make you a man:
- inability to slay the witch-king of angmar
Almost snorted milk out of my nose.
4.5% of the men in the United States is an incredibly high number – that translates into over six million men.
If you added up every US citizen who was officially unemployed or looking for work in 2001, that would be less than the total number of rapists.
If you added up every US citizen who is Jewish, that would still be less than the total number of rapists.
If you added up every teenage boy who had any sort of job – an afterschool job, a summer job, working full-time after dropping out, including all of those – you’d still have over a million fewer people then the total number of rapists.
There are twice as many rapists in the USA as there are single mothers.
For every drunk driver who is in a fatal accident this year, there are over 500 rapists.
If you take every doctor and nurse in the United States; and you added them to every librarian, every cashier, every cop, every postal clerk, and every bank teller in the whole country; you still wouldn’t have as many people as the number of rapists in the United States.
(Think of that a second – think of how often, in your daily life, you’ve seen cops and cashiers and all those other folks. Odds are, you’ve run into rapists more often than that).
To paraphrase Tim Wise: In short, “only” 4.5% of the male population is a lot of people, so that even by the most optimistic assessment of how many men are rapists, there are literally millions out there who not only would but have raped a woman. When combined with those who are less vicious – those who haven’t raped, but would be willing to in the right circumstances, and those who would make excuses for why other men rape, it becomes clear just how real a widespread a problem rape and rape-supportive attitudes are among men today. —
http://amptoons.com/blog/2004/05/05/how-many-men-are-rapists/ (via bitterseafigtree)
And there are women who support rapists, who make excuses for them, who blame their victims. There are female rapists as well, child sexual abusers, prisoners, and the rare f-to-m rapist. Ours is a culture that tolerates sexual violence. It excuses it, it looks away, it throws offenders in prison and considers the problem solved. We never try to cure our culture.
I would urge writers to think about rape culture when they write about sexual attraction. I’m not talking about never having rape in your books, or never having morally questionable characters. I’m thinking about how often you characterise attraction (especially men’s attraction for women, but also more generally) in terms of domination, force, whether she would would resist or complain or ‘squeal’, how the objects of attraction are presented (i.e. as objects?), and how ubiquitous such attitudes are.
Check yourself on whether there’s a discrepancy about how often attractiveness and suitability as a sex partner is a part of the description when you first encounter a character, and when successive characters encounter the character. And whether this is different for male and female characters (again, in particular as this is usually the problem, but more generally, also).
I find it really disturbing how many books I read where every single female character is characterised for the reader based on her sexual attractiveness and ALSO WHETHER HER ABILITY TO FIGHT BACK IS OFF-PUTTING OR A TURN ON. And not just her introduction, but every male she meets. Every female character gets this, but men are not treated the same. Often the women are depicted as though they enjoy men looking at them whilst those men are, effectively, making a decision about whether they could force themselves on her.
Guys: this is not a kind of look or attention we welcome outside of your fantasies. But writing us as though we do encourages men to think that this kind of thinking is OK, and can’t be what women mean when we complain about harassment, abuse, rape, and rape culture.
This is not rare. Lots of writers who seem to behave as well-meaning, non-misogynistic, liberals, DO THIS. They clearly do not equate themselves with rape-culture, sexual objectification of women, or potential rapists.
So, just because you don’t think you do this, don’t dismiss it as an important check.
How do I treat my female characters? How do I treat the male ones? How about others/gender-queer characters? Is there a difference? Is it a difference in terms of how I describe or attribute sexual attractiveness? Are ALL your characters of one gender assessing all characters of another in the same way? Is it a way that at all involves physical dominance or the possibility of taking them aggressively?
This is also not the same as having a problem with BDSM. Some women like to be doms, some men fetishise female strength, some men are doms and some are subs, some women are subs. That’s all fine. The problem is having a sexual preference that is not checked by whether the other person would welcome being approached in that way, or where ALL people of a gender feel the same way about dominating women, and it’s the dominant thing they consider when meeting a woman.
It’s worth thinking about. Not thinking about it is how we tolerate rapists and teach them that what they do is not ‘really’ rape.
(Source: afronaut, via tamorapierce)
That one follower that reblogs everything you post but never talks to you
The financial case for movies that pass the Bechdel Test -
Want a good return on your movie investments? Make sure they pass the Bechdel Test on women’s roles.
Alyssa does good again! Now, if only the idiots in the big studios would get the point … Seriously, what does it take?