In Search of the Happiness Max
dear friends, here is a brief psa

kittydesade:

westerosbaptistchurch:

things that do not make you a man:

  • genital configuration

things that do make you a man:

  • inability to slay the witch-king of angmar

Almost snorted milk out of my nose.

4.5% of the men in the United States is an incredibly high number – that translates into over six million men.

If you added up every US citizen who was officially unemployed or looking for work in 2001, that would be less than the total number of rapists.

If you added up every US citizen who is Jewish, that would still be less than the total number of rapists.

If you added up every teenage boy who had any sort of job – an afterschool job, a summer job, working full-time after dropping out, including all of those – you’d still have over a million fewer people then the total number of rapists.

There are twice as many rapists in the USA as there are single mothers.

For every drunk driver who is in a fatal accident this year, there are over 500 rapists.

If you take every doctor and nurse in the United States; and you added them to every librarian, every cashier, every cop, every postal clerk, and every bank teller in the whole country; you still wouldn’t have as many people as the number of rapists in the United States.

(Think of that a second – think of how often, in your daily life, you’ve seen cops and cashiers and all those other folks. Odds are, you’ve run into rapists more often than that).

To paraphrase Tim Wise: In short, “only” 4.5% of the male population is a lot of people, so that even by the most optimistic assessment of how many men are rapists, there are literally millions out there who not only would but have raped a woman. When combined with those who are less vicious – those who haven’t raped, but would be willing to in the right circumstances, and those who would make excuses for why other men rape, it becomes clear just how real a widespread a problem rape and rape-supportive attitudes are among men today.

http://amptoons.com/blog/2004/05/05/how-many-men-are-rapists/ (via bitterseafigtree)

And there are women who support rapists, who make excuses for them, who blame their victims.  There are female rapists as well, child sexual abusers, prisoners, and the rare f-to-m rapist.  Ours is a culture that tolerates sexual violence.  It excuses it, it looks away, it throws offenders in prison and considers the problem solved.  We never try to cure our culture.

I would urge writers to think about rape culture when they write about sexual attraction. I’m not talking about never having rape in your books, or never having morally questionable characters. I’m thinking about how often you characterise attraction (especially men’s attraction for women, but also more generally) in terms of domination, force, whether she would would resist or complain or ‘squeal’, how the objects of attraction are presented (i.e. as objects?), and how ubiquitous such attitudes are.

Check yourself on whether there’s a discrepancy about how often attractiveness and suitability as a sex partner is a part of the description when you first encounter a character, and when successive characters encounter the character. And whether this is different for male and female characters (again, in particular as this is usually the problem, but more generally, also).

I find it really disturbing how many books I read where every single female character is characterised for the reader based on her sexual attractiveness and ALSO WHETHER HER ABILITY TO FIGHT BACK IS OFF-PUTTING OR A TURN ON. And not just her introduction, but every male she meets. Every female character gets this, but men are not treated the same. Often the women are depicted as though they enjoy men looking at them whilst those men are, effectively, making a decision about whether they could force themselves on her.

Guys: this is not a kind of look or attention we welcome outside of your fantasies. But writing us as though we do encourages men to think that this kind of thinking is OK, and can’t be what women mean when we complain about harassment, abuse, rape, and rape culture.

This is not rare. Lots of writers who seem to behave as well-meaning, non-misogynistic, liberals, DO THIS. They clearly do not equate themselves with rape-culture, sexual objectification of women, or potential rapists.

So, just because you don’t think you do this, don’t dismiss it as an important check.

How do I treat my female characters? How do I treat the male ones? How about others/gender-queer characters? Is there a difference? Is it a difference in terms of how I describe or attribute sexual attractiveness? Are ALL your characters of one gender assessing all characters of another in the same way? Is it a way that at all involves physical dominance or the possibility of taking them aggressively?

This is also not the same as having a problem with BDSM. Some women like to be doms, some men fetishise female strength, some men are doms and some are subs, some women are subs. That’s all fine. The problem is having a sexual preference that is not checked by whether the other person would welcome being approached in that way, or where ALL people of a gender feel the same way about dominating women, and it’s the dominant thing they consider when meeting a woman.

It’s worth thinking about. Not thinking about it is how we tolerate rapists and teach them that what they do is not ‘really’ rape.

fandom-scrawl:

That one follower that reblogs everything you post but never talks to you

image

tamorapierce:

Alyssa does good again!  Now, if only the idiots in the big studios would get the point …   Seriously, what does it take?

wereallalittle-mad:

zazzybuttcheeks:

plur-panda:





aw shit get it wednesday

HA! I almost forgot to reblog this today 

Every Wednesday from now on. 

Its wednesday yo


this never comes on my dash at the right time anymore :( i think i went two weeks without it and now i’m reblogging it on a thursday

GOD DAMN YES FINALLY BLOGGED IT ON A WEDNESDAY


NICE.

wereallalittle-mad:

zazzybuttcheeks:

plur-panda:

aw shit get it wednesday

HA! I almost forgot to reblog this today 

Every Wednesday from now on. 

Its wednesday yo

this never comes on my dash at the right time anymore :( i think i went two weeks without it and now i’m reblogging it on a thursday

GOD DAMN YES FINALLY BLOGGED IT ON A WEDNESDAY

NICE.

My brain is, like, a level 20 Confidence Destroyer. With, like, a bajillion points in Spot Weakness. And kitted out in enchanted armour of Sneak Attack.

prettylittletmi:

Q: Have you had any major celebrities come up to you and tell you they’re a fan of the show?

I love all of them.

Who now wants a Maisie Williams, Sophie Turner, Jennifer Lawrence sit com where they’re all amazing and adorable at each other, and sometimes hot men.

6 year old fan asks Sebastian a question.

This is so sweet! Her expression! His expression!

Comics, I kind of hate you right now

gimpnelly:

wonderali:

I haven’t read comics in about two months now. Aside from a few general pieces here and there, I haven’t written about comics in about a year. There are some things about the comics community that are pretty ugly. And those things are getting in the way of my enjoyment of comics. What’s killing it for me is the harassment former DC editor, current Comics Alliance writer, and all-around awesome lady Janelle Asselin is trying to dig into and, in the process, has become a target of.

For the time I was writing somewhat regularly about comics, I was discouraged from writing about “uncomfortable” topics like sexism or feminism. This wasn’t for all the sites I wrote for. But I did get the feeling I was allowed to hang out in the special tree house with the boys as long as I acted like one of the boys and didn’t turn into one of those uppity feminists. And I get wanting to keep the focus on comics and the great things about them. Trust me, I would love to go back to the days of unabashedly adoring comics.

But that’s not enough anymore.

It’s easy to say women should be able to do everything a man can do: they can be astronauts and writers and scientists and the President of the United States if they work for it, they should be paid the same wages as their male counterparts, they should have the right to vote and drive a car and do everyday people things without hinderance, etc.

But that’s not where gender equality ends. People should be allowed to express a dissenting opinion on the internet without being threatened with rape; people should be allowed to have consensual sex without being labeled a whore; people should be allowed to wear whatever they want without being groped or demeaned; people should be allowed to express themselves in ways that do not conform to narrow, antiquated definitions of “gender” without being disrespected or physically attacked. And come on, people. This is obvious stuff.

So when someone gets catcalled or threatened or browbeaten, you have to stand up and say NO. And look, I get that’s uncomfortable and confrontational and hard, honestly hard, to do. I’m guilty of not saying anything, of plowing along with my head in the sand and just gushing over my funny pages. But like I said, that’s not enough anymore. We need to have this conversation; we need to call this bullshit behavior out.

Because ignoring the harassment is condoning it. It undermines the severity of the situation. It tells the victims that we care more about their attackers than we do about them. Not to mention, the instances when people flat out tell victims of harassment that they’re exaggerating the facts, or “that’s not what he meant” or “get over it and stop being so emotional.”

And that is fucked up. Seriously fucked up. We need to do better, people. We need to do a lot better.

Ali is the. best. And she makes a lot of very valid points here.

I’m so sick of continuing to need to have this conversation. But it’s not going to stop me having this conversation. If this conversation makes you uncomfortable and you want ti to go away, if you want feminism to not be a necessary intrusion on your life anymore, then guess what? The quickest way to make this conversation stop intruding into our enjoyment is to see that the conversation is HAD.

Because it needs to be had. And it will keep coming up again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again until we have satisfactorily addressed the root cause of the NEED for the conversation: the ingrained and constant and hurtful and often lethal sexism of our society.

The conversation doesn’t go away simply because you refuse to take part. It carries on inside the heads of the women (or other women, if you are a woman and you want to stick your head in the sand about it, or if you think that the patriarchy doesn’t particularly affect you, so your friends who are being hurt by it should just STFU) you know, endlessly and painfully, and when they stand up for themselves and get silenced or threatened or physically attacked for trying to have the conversation it doesn’t stop the need for the conversation to be had. All it means is that it still hasn’t been adequately been addressed.

And it’s going to be a long conversation and a painful conversation and a hard conversation. And sometimes the women you are talking to will end the conversation just when you’ve decided you want to find out more and wish they would explain it *better* to you, and you have to let them do that. Because we are exhausted and having to continually start this conversation in a hostile environment takes it out of us, and sometimes we can’t face telling you the whole truth because we feel the deep pit open up between us that says ‘I know how this goes. You don’t really want to hear the whole truth. You want to hear the kind truth, the friendly truth, the mittigated truth. And you’re not going to like my truth and I just can’t deal with the backlash right now. Or maybe you’ll even let me speak, but my voice will have been stifled for so long that my words won’t come out right - they’ll tumble over one another in the rush to be said, and I’ll forget to reak it down enough for you into the steps you can understand, because I’ve been thinking about this for *decades* and you’ve only just started to dip your toes in and there’ll be really basic stuff you don’t GET yet, but if I screw this up you may think that what I’m saying to you right now is all of it, or the best case I can give of it and that’ll be it. Not just for me, but for all the women you’ll talk to in the future. It’s just a lot of pressure, OK, and I’m not up to it right now.’

And you need to listen to us when we say ‘Ugh, I can’t do this right now, can we talk about something else?’ and accept that it doesn’t mean that we don’t want to have the conversation - rather, you have to be open to having the conversation on our terms and when we’re ready for it, and you have to give us reason to trust that you won’t treat us like a representative for all women or all feminists and make all the efforts of our sisters hang on this one conversation. And you need to not be insulted that we don’t trust this about you, because our trust have been broken So. Many. Times.

Have the conversation. Support the conversation. Spread the voices of women when they are comfortable talking about it, on their terms. Amplify us, and don’t seek to dominate the conversation yourself. But DO, reiterate what we say and raise it again and again with other men. If you do this enough you might even begin to understand why our conversation is so stilted and dogged. Both why it won’t go away, and why it is so coloured with anger and despair.

Just remember: the awkwardness and discomfort of the conversation doesn’t go away simply because you refuse to engage with it or try to shut it down. Only be having the conversation and by listening to what women have to say - over and over and over and on our terms - will the conversation become eqasier, and less fraught, and, maybe, one day… go away.

bevismusson:

gailsimone:


the preeminent gail simone of our time

One’s too many and a hundred ain’t enough.

A very good point very well made. The same thing also applies to queer characters.


And no doubt PoC and trans* characters and certainly disabled and mentally ill characters.VERY important message.

bevismusson:

gailsimone:

the preeminent gail simone of our time

One’s too many and a hundred ain’t enough.

A very good point very well made. The same thing also applies to queer characters.

And no doubt PoC and trans* characters and certainly disabled and mentally ill characters.

VERY important message.