In Search of the Happiness Max

josephicus:

wifigirl2080:

Literally out of breath who makes these???

a proud bird

OK, birdsrightsactivist is not new or anything, but I finally decided that I should have these somewhere on my blog.

edwardspoonhands:

thecatantichristishere:

rabbitrecycle:

donaldkaneda:

owo:

punkmonksteven:

lalatula:

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*does the anime character with glasses thing*

Does that really work though?

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What…?

that’s so cool i wanna do it too!!!!!!

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ok here goes

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NO

Okay, there’s no way that works.

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Let me try this out.

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I’m kinda skeptical about this? Can it really make you anime.

imageGuss i’ll give it a shot

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ABORT ABORT

yeah right, like that really happens

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hmmm….

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maybe I should try-

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HOLY SHIT

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WHAT THE FU 

I get so pissed off when people badmouth Tumblr. 

Really, it’s the best place in the whole world.

jeffkillszombies:

But Lo.

Ahahahahahaha. LOL.

jeffkillszombies:

But Lo.

Ahahahahahaha. LOL.

thegirlwhocriedfoxface:

hostagesituation:

My friend had a guy sitting way too close to her on the bus and he was trying to read her text messages, so we damn well gave him something to read.

incredible.

I’m in love with the lengths you go to to convince the government you’re not dangerous. (I do this on Twitter sometimes. Also sometimes for mind readers.)

Intro to Game of Thrones as seen on a VHS Tape from 1980. (via @ianmacdonald)

Everything is perfect and nothing is wrong.

1,677,302 plays

garykingofthegoths:

korriganbleedingink:

rothruinel:

peetamellarkeys:

birdthenerd:

I have never reblogged something so fast in my life

oh.

the gif is fucking perfect 

I hit play, as soon as the first beat hit I paused it and shook my head. Then I sighed. “I have to let it play through. This is the anthem of my people.” Hit play, and jammed out.

“I have to let it play through. This is the anthem of my people.”

sereiin:

vivid-escapist:

queer-joanwatson:

alivechihiro:

hydrogyne:

"noot noot" factiod actually just statistical error. nice legs daisy dukes makes ah yes, the scalene triangle. it’s a metaphor. you put the outlier between your teeth but you very bark much meme

not all 9000 barrel rolls

but if those metaphors are so accepting, why is it that i, from bird school,

imagine to touch she got the booty and where did it come from? where did it go?

imagine how is sky touch the

such supernatural, what do we say to maisie williams, wow

linguisten:

amateurlanguager:

Are we not going to talk about how
Le ver vert est sur le verre.
Le ver vert est sous le verre.
Le ver vert est devant le verre.
Le ver vert est derrière le verre.
Le ver vert est dans le verre.
Le ver vert est à droit du verre.
Le ver vert est à gauche du verre.
Le ver vert est à côté du verre.
?!?!?

As-tu vu le vert ver allant vers le verre en verre vert?
Ce ver vert sévère sait verser ses verres verts.
Le ver vert va vers le verre vert. Les vers verts levèrent le verre vert vers le ver vert.

My rusty GCSE French got most of this, but then for that last part… Google Translate didn’t help as much as I thought it would:

Have you seen the worm toward green glass green glass? This harsh green worm knows pay his green glasses. Green worm goes to the green glass. The green to green glass rose to green worm.

linguisten:

amateurlanguager:

Are we not going to talk about how

  1. Le ver vert est sur le verre.
  2. Le ver vert est sous le verre.
  3. Le ver vert est devant le verre.
  4. Le ver vert est derrière le verre.
  5. Le ver vert est dans le verre.
  6. Le ver vert est à droit du verre.
  7. Le ver vert est à gauche du verre.
  8. Le ver vert est à côté du verre.

?!?!?

As-tu vu le vert ver allant vers le verre en verre vert?

Ce ver vert sévère sait verser ses verres verts.

Le ver vert va vers le verre vert. Les vers verts levèrent le verre vert vers le ver vert.

My rusty GCSE French got most of this, but then for that last part… Google Translate didn’t help as much as I thought it would:

Have you seen the worm toward green glass green glass?

This harsh green worm knows pay his green glasses.

Green worm goes to the green glass. The green to green glass rose to green worm.

An Incomplete List of Noteable People I’ve Delivered Pizzas To

tybaar:

It’s coming up on a year now since I got my current job as a pizza delivery girl, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the little ever-expanding “WTFPIZZA” note I keep on my cell that helps me remember some of my more, uh - interesting deliveries.

So without further ado and in no particular order, here’s some pizza customers who left a lasting impression on me thus far:

- A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash.

- A woman who slipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoo removal clinic, explaining “In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be.”

- At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice.

- An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pearl-handled .32 snub nosed revolver and asked if I knew how to load it (I do) and also, if I could load it for her (I didn’t).

- A group of EMT’s hanging out in the back of an ambulance at a recently extinguished (but still smouldering) house fire.

- A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door.  He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was “obstructing the mail system” and demanded my social security number so he could “report me to the proper authorities”.

- A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them.

- A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dressed as Professor McGonagall from the Harry Potter films, who were also completely wasted on Jello shots.  They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them.

- A 20-something dude who answered the door with an unsheathed katana dangling through a belt loop on his jeans.

- Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (bitch get your own dealer sheesh)

- A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the “spitting image” of his deceased daughter.

- A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote “get a real car” in the tip portion of my credit receipt.

- A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us.  He did the duck lips thing in every shot.

- Multiple prank deliveries (joke’s on you motherfucker, I get paid for the gas AND I eat the pizzas you ordered)

- An elderly man who wrote “FUCK OFF” as his signature on a credit receipt.

- A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he “works so hard”.  He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldn’t do anything.

- A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks + sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door.  Multiple knockings were of no avail.

- A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I’m female.  She proceeded to snatch my driver’s license out of my hand, run back into her house and show it to her children while pointing back at me.

- A kid no older than 14 who desperately tried to convince me to play WoW on the free custom server he was playing on. (But it has double XP!)

- A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose.  He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt.

- An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza.

- A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote “0.00” in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents and handed it to me.  It said “pizza tip” in the “For” section.

- A furious lady who yelled at me for a solid five minutes (I kept track) all about how long it took for her delivery to get to her.  She then tipped me an extra ten bucks on a six dollar order.  I dunno.

- An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober.  When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked terrified, sat down on the floor and muttered “I… I don’t know….”

- Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis

- A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately turned to vomit into her mailbox.

- A surly Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a full-grown woman.

- A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color.  I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves - everywhere.

- A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did.  And perfectly, I may add.

- A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was blaring Regina Spektor so loud and with so much bass I actually couldn’t hear anything he was saying.

- An elderly guy who deadpan asked me if I knew anyone who could score him hollowpoint bullets.

- An adorable older lesbian couple who were mortified that they didn’t have any extra money for a tip, so they gave me a big sack of pistachios instead.  It took me three weeks to finish the bag.

IT CAME BACK. Oh, thank the sweet baby kittens! I thought I had lost it forever.

The first time it was the Batmans I loved the mostest, but now I wonder how I could have forgotten THIS:

A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dressed as Professor McGonagall from the Harry Potter films, who were also completely wasted on Jello shots.  They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them.

I ASPIRE TO BE THESE WOMEN SO BAD.

specialbored:

DINNER IS COMING. (Part 2)

GLORIOUS.